I want to preface this post by telling you that it was physically painful to stop reading the Deathly Hallows in order to get this post in. Like there is a large part of me that is typing this but another part that keeps peeking over the laptop screen and peeping at the book as if it’s about to sprout legs and run away. Which would be both incredibly awesome and super annoying. It’s pouring outside. Unless it’s planning to run around the house then it’s going to get wet and ruined. That’ll be when the anger settles in.
As I was saying, I physically pulled myself a way from my book to provide you guys with a post, and considering that it’s Friday the 13th I thought I would share a story of how I got scared on Thursday May 12th Friday the 13th style. It will all make sense soon enough.
Since today’s forecast called for cats and dogs (honestly I wanted a better joke here but couldn’t think of one. I put cats and dogs down as kind of a place holder but then forgot to come back and change it out when inspiration hit. I’m sure you’re thinking, “if you wrote this wouldn’t you have at least tried to change it?” In which case I’ll tell you I wrote this little “aside” immediately after the joke because I knew I wasn’t going to change it. Pretty deep and lazy, right?) we decided to change our walking schedule to a night walk instead of the morning. This whole exercise/losing weight thing has been going pretty good and it disrupts my day when I don’t stick to it. Don’t disrupt my day weather.
Jennifer and Michael met me at the Fortress of Nerditude at around 10:30 and away we went. It was gorgeous out and the blood was pumping and I was feeling good. During my night walks I like to incorporate a little more running so I did that and then back tracked as not to leave the girls too far behind. I’m a gentleman and a team player. What can I say? As we were walking I heard this sort of knocking sound coming from the woods which I immediately found alarming. I’ve watched enough horror movies to know that when you hear knocking out of the woods for no good reason then shit is about to go down. I might have stuttered my steps and looked into the woods (which is what you should never do) and after a step and half I locked eyes with this
I wish I could tell you my reaction was laughter and some sort of cool insult, “Hey Casey Jones bite my ass”, but alas Geeklings that’s not what happened. As a matter of fact that thought didn’t even cross my mind. My reaction went a little something like “oh shit run” and I stepped to do that while the rational part of my brain said “nah, that’s not real” so I stopped to look again at which point my heart fell through my ass and my brain said “no you got to runs for real. That’s really there”. And, courageously I might add, I started to break into a run leaving the girls behind trying to save my own skin.
Allow me to explain because there were conflicting thoughts happening at that moment. For starters I was convinced that Jason was there specifically for me. I’m not entirely sure how to explain that but I felt it. It was a fact. That son of a bitch just wanted to kill me. The other thought, or the more rational one if you will, told me that it was my friend Tim and I really had nothing to worry about. This rational thought was confirmed by the laughter of my sister and Michael behind me. At least I didn’t scream. Although I’d pay money to see what my face looked like.
That’s right Geeklings my sister, you remember her from her delightful Harry Potter nursery post on Tuesday, had orchestrated the entire thing. And I wasn’t even mad. I appreciate a good scare and they had gotten me good. It was unexpected and slightly terrifying but definitely warranted a laugh once my heart returned to it’s proper place in my chest.
All this has me wondering… why is Jason scary? I guess it’s the hockey mask but have you ever gone back and try and watch those movies as an adult (or whatever it is you would call me) because they are awful. There is nothing even remotely scary about them except the fact that they take place by a creepy lake and the whispers in the woods. I remember as a kid begging my Dad to watch a Friday the 13th movies on Friday the 13th (when they would have marathons) and being so scared. When that Sloth looking thing jumps out of the lake (actually that is kind of scary)? Or when that one chick opens up the fridge and there’s a head in it? That machete? I remember Dad had to pick up Mom and left me alone one night for an hour (felt like days) while I was watching one of those marathons. Man, that was some scary shit. I was afraid to open the fridge. Not like my parents had a collection of severed heads in there but they were gone and I knew Jason had planted one while I was in the bathroom.
I guess last nights scare, while super funny, brought me back to what made Jason scary. The fact that he exists. For those five seconds where I decided to run or stay or shit myself it made me think I lived in a world where Jason was there to kill everything. For a second I was that frightened kid afraid to open the fridge. But fear not Geeklings, I’m okay and already plotting my revenge. Jen is currently reading It so my retribution will be swift and evil. Don’t play with fire.
Have a great Friday the 13th Geeklings! Be sure to watch some sort of horror movie tonight. We’re watching one where yogurt comes to life and kills people. Yes, that’s a real thing. Someboyd wrote that. Someboyd wrote that and got paid. Re-think your lives. Hope I don’t develop some irrational fear of yogurt now… sigh