Guilty Pleasures: Troll 2
A million movies come out every year, and most of them (let’s face it) aren’t that great. But among those not-so-great movies are special films that sit precariously on the paper-thin line between terrible and sublime. They are movies that could not have been made that way if the creators were trying: they just happened, through some blessed series of events. These movies are called guilty pleasures, and they’re exactly what this series will explore. Welcome to the horrendous/amazing ride. Buckle up.
First things first: Troll 2 is perfect. If you came here hoping for me to say it was anything less than perfect, you’re not going to get it. Because Troll 2 is a perfect film. It was made PERFECTLY and I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing about this PERFECT #GuiltyPleasure.
PERFECT THING #1: Troll 2 has no trolls in it. NOT A SINGLE TROLL. Just Goblins. Perfect.
PERFECT THING #2: This guy is in the movie:
Notice the effing LIVE FLY that has landed perfectly on his face. PERFECT.
What’s the plot? A teenage boy goes to a strange town for a vacation with his family while being haunted/warned by the ghost of his grandfather, which leads me to…
…PERFECT THING #3: The town the film takes place in it called “Noblin”, which is literally just “Goblin” backwards. Perfecto.
From there the “plot” sort of disintegrates, becoming nothing more that one perfect thing after another. It’s the perfect bad movie.
PERFECT THING #4: Troll 2 is such a perfect bad movie they made a whole flipping documentary about it, BEST WORST MOVIE, which currently holds a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, because it’s about the most perfect movie ever.
PERFECT THING #5: The goblins (once again, NOT TROLLS), are actually vegetarians, and turn any of their victims into a plant substance. WHY: BECAUSE PERFECT.
PERFECT THING #6: This screaming boy:
PERFECT THING #7: This woman “acting”:
I could list perfect reasons why this movie it perfect all night. The point is: this movie is the most fun you’ll ever have watching a movie. It’s so. Perfectly. Bad. And it never meant to be. This is the truly divine. This is THE #guiltypleasure. WATCH NOW AND BE PERFECT.
Got a #guiltypleasure you want me to watch? Get at me on instagram @maggiecar or twitter @magthecar