Beep Beep Richie

Some of you may recall on Monday I mentioned that Stephen King has been dropping teaser images for the IT movie reboot on his Faceyspace page. For those of you who don’t remember me saying this please by all means click on this super convenient link for the reminder. All caught up now? Good. Let’s move on.

As I mentioned I’m pretty excited for the IT reboot. Normally I get nervous and apprehensive when movies get re-made but how worse can IT get really? Just about anything Hollywood does at this point should be seen as an improvement. Yes, I know Tim Curry is the Pennywise we deserve but outside of that there’s nothing worth keeping. Yes, I’m totally aware that I’m shitting on a beloved childhood horror movie, but I’m sorry. The movie isn’t good. It’s not. Read the book and watch it (IT hehehehe) and tell me if you feel the same way still. You won’t. The book is layered and has depth and the movie has… well it has Tim Curry and balloons. Outside of that please give me my eight hours back.

Now I know that this mind set might upset some of you horror buffs, and I’d be curious to see how Maggie Carr feels about these thoughts, but search you’re feelings you know them to be true (Oh snap! I’m just connecting all this weeks columns together). IT and The Stand are two Steven King works that deserve the reboot treatment. And while The Stand is kind of stuck in production hell, IT (Pennywise lives! For those of you who don’t know this is a super cool Dreamcatcher easter egg) is very much alive and actually filming. Which brings us to yesterday’s teaser image.

During my lunch break (or water filling excursion but shhhhh) I hopped on Faceyspace to see that both Entertainment Weekly and Uncle Stevie had dropped the newest picture of Pennywise the Clown. Now despite my excitement for the film I was less then impressed with the first image they released. As a matter of fact I thought Pennywise looked more like John Wayne Gacy than a soul eating clown who lives in the sewers. Don’t get me wrong, John Wayne Gacy is scary but for different/more realistic reasons. I need my Pennywise to ruin my life. It’s the only way it has to be.

Yeah the eyes are super creepy, but the make-up is alright and… you know what? As I’m typing this the eyes are perfectly level with my own and a part of me feels like it’s going to throw up. As a matter of fact I’m sort of just typing for the sake of typing at the moment so the screen will move up a little bit so this freakin’ clown will stop staring at me. It hasn’t worked yet. Insert interesting non scared of self posted clown picture conversation here. Some how this is making it all worse. I’m just going to start a new paragraph.

(Oh god this isn’t working! Be strong Kevin. Be strong) Needless to say I thought the second image of Pennywise had to give us a little more. I had to feel that this clown was willing to ruin my soul and make me sleep with the lights on and all doors sealed shut because that is a rational thing that adults do when they live alone. Right? Well, I can’t say that the teaser image disappointed.

This picture kind of ruined my life in the most perfect way. Look at the clown dress and creepy ass grin. There is something old school and ancient about this Pennywise that I immediately love. Well, as much as one can love evil clowns that live in the sewers and feeds on children. For some reason this image actually reminded me of a lamp I had as a child.

And suddenly my deep rooted hatred for clowns is starting to make more sense. Yes this lamp looks sort of innocent, and I suppose it is, but when I was thinking about it yesterday it looked more evil and washed in white. Maybe this isn’t the right lamp. Any way the long and the short of it is thanks mom and dad. Why would you give this to a child? A child that belonged to you?! I couldn’t play D&D but I could have a death clown lamp to keep me safe. Good call.

All of this actually leads me to today. Whoa, there’s a point to all this? Of course there is. Today I got into work and sat at my desk like I do most mornings. As I was getting myself situated I noticed a piece of paper sticking out from underneath my keyboard which was instantly odd because I use post-it notes… for everything. 

Before I tell you what the note said allow me to tell you another story. As we were talking about the IT reboot yesterday I mentioned the nightmare I had while reading the book. I’m pretty sure I mentioned it here before but just in case I haven’t allow me to refresh. During the time I was reading IT I fell asleep home alone in my living room (I was married at the time which is why I mention the importance of me being alone). I was never a big fan of the apartment we were living in as it never felt like home, and was way too expensive, but hey hind sight is twenty twenty. When I woke up, feeling a little dazed and out of sorts, I was convinced that if I looked over to my right I would see a set of orange balloons tied to the dinning room chair. I knew how many balloons were there, I knew what chair they were tied on, and I knew if I made eye contact with them I was going to lose. My. Freakin’. Mind. I literally sat up from the couch staring at the wall straight ahead, covered my face, and walked (didn’t run because I didn’t want the air to shift so the balloons rubbed against each other) straight into my bedroom. Luckily for me, the balloons were gone the next day. Almost like they were never there to begin with. But I know. I know.

This brings us back to work today and the piece of paper sticking out from underneath my keyboard.

beep beep

My immediate thought was this was a prank from my boss. But my boss wasn’t there and it wasn’t his hand writing. Once this was discovered the more immediate thought of fear surfaced a little. How could this possibly be underneath my keyboard a day after telling the balloon nightmare story?! None of the other people I work with would do this prank so logically it had to be Pennywise, right? Luckily I was able to hide the fact that my insides were sweating a little bit and reached out to my sister. A very logical step but she also informed me that it was not her. Shit.

Then suddenly it came to me. Michael. My friend Michael often frequents my place of work and leaves me notes. This had to be her work. I sent her a picture of the note with the caption “did you do this?”, and luckily she said yes. Thank God. I don’t think  I could have handled if she said no. It would have been like the balloons on the dinning room chair again. I’m not mentally built for gags like this. My imagination is too strong.

What’s the point of all this? Well, it just goes to show how awesome the new image of Pennywise is. Despite my best efforts, I believed this clown had left a little love note underneath my keyboard. It took a minute for logic to settle in but this Pennywise already has the life ruining qualities that I’ve been seeking. And my friend Michael pulled a really good gag at the perfect time. This is my life. And I think it’s fantastic.

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