A million movies come out every year, and most of them (let’s face it) aren’t that great. But among those not-so-great movies are special films that sit precariously on the paper-thin line between terrible and sublime. They are movies that could not have been made that way if the creators were trying: they just happened, through some blessed series of events. These movies are called guilty pleasures, and they’re exactly what this series will explore. Welcome to the horrendous/amazing ride. Buckle up.
On the poster (the masterful, masterful poster) for Birdemic: Shock and Terror, the tagline “Who Will Survive?” appears under the title. The answer is “not the viewer” because if you watch this movie you will die either from boredom or laughing too hard. Or both. Because, everyone, Birdemic: Shock and Terror is objectively one of the worst movies ever made. And it’s glorious. And I love it. Hashtag GuiltyPleasure. Hashtag terrible. Hashtag hashtag.
Directed by James Nguyen and made for apparently less than $10,000, Birdemic looks like it was shot on my iPhone after I dropped it at a zoo and an elephant stepped on it and then gave it to an otter who ate it and then the otter died and they dissected it and then they gave it to James Nguygen to film Birdemic. Hell, it doesn’t look like it was shot on an iPhone. It looks like it was shot on a Motorola Razr.
However that’s not the most Guilty-Pleasurable part of Birdemic. The best part about this film is its CGI. Its amazing, amazing CGI.
And suddenly it’s the best movie ever.
WHAT? No. But YES. And also NO.
The computer graphics on my ‘93 version of Oregon Trail were better than this. This looks like Clip Art. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
After you’ve seen these PowerPoint graphics birds a few times you forget that there was a plot, but it basically centers around the budding romance of Rod and Nathalie. (No, I didn’t spell her name wrong, there’s just an “H” in there. Your classic silent “H”.) The two of them have fun things happen to them, like getting a promotion or becoming a Victoria’s Secret model, without really paying much mind to forest fires and birds that literally SPIT ACID FIRE.
This movie is Bad with a capital B. It’s so bad that Vice News did an entire report on how bad it is. It’s such a guilty pleasure that people use it as an adjective: “Sally’s wedding was, like, Birdemic bad.”
So if you haven’t seen it, buy it online for $2.99, ask God what’s brought you to this point where you spend $2.99 on such terrible things, and put on your sunglasses, because EVERY SHOT is overexposed. The actors look like they’re standing on the surface of the sun.
The good news is, this movie is THOROUGHLY entertaining. Watch it with friends and A LOT of alcohol, and your evening won’t be fowl at all.
I’m so sorry for that terrible pun.
Got a #guiltypleasure you want me to watch? Get at me on instagram @maggiecar or twitter @magthecar