Colonel Sanders, Mario Lopez, and the Movie We Didn’t Know We Needed

I have to ask, which one of you did this? Which one of you prayed to the gods of Lifetime movies asking for a sexy Colonel Sanders movie starring Mario Lopez? Was Hallmark Christmas movie season not enough for you?! You just needed a little bit more. You just couldn’t help yourself. One minute you’re watching Winnie Cooper pay all her bills and have the best Christmas ever and the very next you’re saying “you know what I’d really like, a sexy Colonel Sanders Lifetime movie” and BOOM here we are. So, step up. Admit to what you did. I think the world should be made aware of your actions. This way we know… who to thank!

That’s right, I’m not even going to pretend to be mad at this. In fact, I didn’t know this was actually really until I do a little research. My first impression was, hey this is a fun stupid meme. Could you imagine if they actually made this movie… wait, they’re actually making this movie?! What?! I can actually watch this?! Like, this year?! Am I being punked? Cause 2020 has been so weird and I can no longer tell what is real and what is fiction.

Listen, I’m not going to pretend that I understood all the weird Colonel Sanders casting that has been happening over the years. Sure, it was fun seeing Norm McDonald in a chicken commercial but it became a bit much with the rotating cast. Darrell Hammond and Jim Gaffigan, okay this is still funny. Jeff Daniels though? Are we jumping the chicken here? What is happening here? I didn’t know the Colonel was this much of a cultural icon that we need more than one actor portraying him in a commercial. I thought people only ate KFC ironically? They can’t even call themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore because (insert it’s not really chicken joke here).

This though, this feels different. Immediately you know that they’re not taking this seriously by the title, A Recipe For Seduction. Then look at the promotional stills. Or the trailer. Whatever this movie is, and it will be a lot of things, it will not be taking itself seriously and I think that’s wonderful. It’ll kind of be the opposite of Cats.

A sexy Colonel played by Mario Lopez, who is having quite the resurgence with the Saved By The Bell reboot, in a story filled with sexy time and the possibility that someone could steal the secret original recipe?! I don’t know what more we want from our movie viewing experiences but this seems like it could be everything. I’m a sucker for crappy horror movies. I’ve watched my share of Three Headed Shark Attacks. There’s just something so freeing about watching a movie that knows it’s horrendous but doesn’t care. It’s, dare I say it, fun. And I think as we wind down 2020 we could use a little bit of fun to end this year. Please give me the self-aware Lifetime movie about the chicken man. Pretty please.

I have no idea what to expect. I didn’t think I needed a sexy Colonel Sanders in my life but here we are. So, I just want to know which one of you I need to thank for this ridiculousness. Please don’t be shy, step forward, and let’s plan a viewing party. I’ll order the chicken! 

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