After five movies and two books these are the things I know about dinosaur parks…

• A T-Rex could eat you while you’re in the bathroom
• Some dinosaurs will sneak into your car, spit in your face causing blindness, make you try and appreciate their neckwear, and then eat you when you don’t compliment them.
• If you’re in a tree you risk being sneezed on by a brontosaurs .
• Dinosaurs when mixed with frog DNA can change sex on a whim and mate creating more death lizards.
• Raptors are terrifying and apparently very clever.
• If you’re trying to see the “exhibits” you must understand that dinosaurs might not show up for your amusement.
• Apparently one goat is enough to feed a T-Rex. Just one.
• Something will most certainly go wrong causing the island/park to shut down thus allowing the death lizards to escape and roam/eat freely.
• The yogurt is apparently pretty good.
• You can train raptors and go hunting with them because this is a good idea.
• You can put raptor DNA in pretty much any giant lizard and expect to be killed by said giant lizard later on.
• The dinosaurs that live in the water are massively terrifying, very hungry, and could come in handy when battling a large dinosaur that is looking to eat your face.
• You can befriend a raptor and it will come and save you in your most dire moments.
• When you abandon the park/island it doesn’t mean that the dinosaurs die and going back is almost always a mistake.
• Volcanos are bad.
• Riding around a dinosaur park in a hamster bubble is putting your life in your own hands. Like, why?
• The tiny/cute dinosaurs are just as deadly.
• Never go anywhere by yourself or all that will be left behind is your arm.
• Jeeps are the best way to get around but also don’t have a roof making it easier to be attacked by flying dinosaurs or a T-Rex.
• Raptors and the T-Rex will battle and you’ll sometimes root for the T-Rex and sometimes root for the raptor.
• “Must. Drive. Faster.”
• Dinosaurs take massive dumps.
• You can run through the entire island in heels and not be eaten by a dinosaur.
• If you stand in the middle of a circle of raptors and extend your arms in a cool way it will make for a great meme.
• It’s easy to smuggle dino DNA out of the park.
• There is usually a lost island with the first round of dinosaurs and you should never go there. 
• If dinosaurs make it on the shores of the United States, we’re effed but we’ll never mention it again to prevent the park from being resurrected. 
• “Hold on to your butts.” 
• If you have a flare there’s a really good chance that when you throw it a T-Rex will chase after it.
• If the doorknob isn’t round then there’s a good chance a raptor will open the door and eat you.
• Your phone will ring at the worst time and it will offend the nearest dinosaur.

With all this knowledge, if given the opportunity to go to Jurassic Park… 

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I’m still going to say yes. I mean, they’re dinosaurs guys. Dino. Saurs. 

How about you Geeklings? Sound off in the comments or throw me a line over on Twitter @iamgeek32.