Here’s the thing, I have no idea what to write about today. Zero clue. I’m like any employee at the Daily Planet who looks at Clark Kent when he takes his glasses off to clean and can’t recognize the fact that he’s clearly Superman. I know what I’m writing tomorrow though. In fact, I have not one but two columns planned for tomorrow. Today though… today I’ve got nothing.
And why is that? Let’s have ourselves a Doctor Melfi type sit down. Fun fact, I literally just learned that Doctor Melfi’s first name was Jennifer. Jennifer is coincidently the name of my sister, and co-host on the I Am Geek Podcast, but outside of that the two share no similarities. Unless my sister has a secret degree in psychology (that’s what you need to be a therapist, right? Seriously, I’m too lazy to look this up) and has been aiding mobsters in mental recovery behind the scenes. If that’s the case then we’re going to have a whole lot to talk about during the next episode of the podcast.
None of that has to do with why I can’t think of anything to write about today. Alyson, my wonderful wife, just walked into the room and showed me a video of a shirtless Jack Black dancing and it might be the most majestic thing I’ve ever seen. He performs a leg kick in his routine that is a work of art. If there was a Leg Kick Hall of Fame then this leg kick would be nominated. Right along with one of the leg kicks from a random member of the Rockettes and the one Dwight does when he realizes that they caught Kelly fudging their customer reports. Yes, that should have made it in already but when it was first eligible it lost out to Chris Pratt’s leg kick from his Dance-Off To Save the Galaxy. Tough break.
Again, nothing to write about. I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit frustrating. You guys come here expecting content and when there’s no content to be found then this site defeats its purpose. Think of it this way, if you went to an Outback Steakhouse you would expect to get a bloomin’ onion but if the waiter turned around and said they no longer carry that but would you be interested in a bloomin’ artichoke, you’d feel a little disappointed. You’d especially feel like you made the wrong dinner decision, nothing against artichokes but come on, nowhere near a sexy appetizer pick. I don’t want your I Am Geek experience today to be the equivalent of being asked to order a bloomin’ artichoke.
Yet we still live in a world where I can’t think of one thing to write about. I think today is the first day that Operation Quarantine has gotten to me. I’m a little fried. I’m not Nicholas Cage at the top of Face/Off fried but I can honestly see a world where I turn to my cat and say, “You should pull the trigger. Cause. I. Don’t. Give. A fuck.” That’s not to say I’m suicidal, I’m not, I was just trying to convey the levels of fried my brain is. In this scenario, Hudson the Cat and I are clearly reenacting this famous scene from Face/Off while my wife directs. I thought it would be obvious but I know the dialogue choice was a bit suspect. Just wanted to clear things up. I guess the better analogy here would have been Abed after he binged all of the Nicholas Cage movies to determine if Cage was a good actor or not and then Abed found himself parading on his teacher’s desk while proclaiming he was “a sexy cat”. That was probably the better analogy there… in other news, Community arrives on Netflix tomorrow.
That’s tomorrow though. Today, today I’ve got nothing. I’ve been slightly crabby. Certainly tired. And kind of in full slug mode. I didn’t even put sweatpants on for work today. Nope, just went straight up pajama pants and that’s something I normally save for my Super Casual Fridays From Home. It felt like a sure sign of giving up. Is it Seinfeld where George wears sweatpants during the week and Jerry observes that he’s given up on life? It feels like a very Seinfeld thing. I’m not sure where this ranks considering sweatpants have become my daily work attire… I’ll leave that to the Doctor Melfi’s of the world to dissect.
The only true solace I’ve found today has been playing Animal Crossing and reading Andy Greene’s book about The Office. Outside of that just a bunch of listlessness mixed with tiredness and splashed with the tiniest amount of restlessness. But I suppose that makes sense when you consider that March 31st, isn’t a real day. If Parks and Rec has taught me anything it’s that…