Healing The World With A 50 Year Old Alien In A Bag & Extraordinary Facial Hair

I woke up this morning with the full intention of writing a column about The Walking Dead announcing that it will be ending with a super-sized season eleven. I pretty much wrote my intro while shampooing my hair, how else does one shower, and by the time I was drying off I had a rough shape of the piece and knew how I was going to end it. There’s nothing better than knowing you’re writing path at 7:45 in the morning. Really helps to set the tone and prevents me from staring at my keyboard trying to mush words together like it’s the first time I’ve ever tried to mush words together. 

Here’s the thing though, as the day went on and on and on and on, I didn’t want to write about The Walking Dead anymore which also perfectly describes my relationship with the television series. Zing! I found that the column that I wanted to write wasn’t very positive. The more I thought about it the more I found that I was using this column as an excuse to say everything I thought was wrong with The Walking Dead franchise, and while I still may write this column maybe as soon as tomorrow, I didn’t want to write it today. I wanted to write something a bit more positive and fun.

Here’s the thing, in fandom, it’s really easy to bang out eight hundred words where you’re just crapping on something. If any of you have been involved in a “conversation” on Twitter about a specific fandom then you know that it’s stupidly easy for fans to find one issue and make it this massive point on why they hate everything. Some fans are just fans of disliking things. Something I’ve come to understand the more and more I see the internet. That’s their fandom. Negativity. Critiquing and hate bashing are two entirely different things. One is supposed to help assist and shape the subject matter and the other is used to express deeper feelings that lack joy. 

I wanted to explore a bit more joy today. Things are so bleak right now. We have a President who admitted in February that he knew the deadly ramifications of COVID in but still admitted to wanting to downplay them. The skies in California are literally orange because the state is on fire…again. Schools just opened and parents are forced to confront the stress of their children’s safety while trying to balance employment in a COVID environment. There’s just a lot going on and I thought we could use a pick me up today not a column dragging The Walk Dead through the muck. 

So, I gots to thinking. What is something that everyone could pretty much agree on right now? Nothing like setting an impossible task for one’s self, but here I sat. This was the exact opposite feeling of the one I had while shampoo writing earlier this morning. So, I did what any writer would do. I pondered. And then did some more pondering. Rubbing my beard in a way that makes me feel both sophisticated and a little badass. I dramatically removed my glasses so I could “think better”. Then it hit me. Not just one thing, but two

This week has given us two extraordinary gifts. And neither one of them are the start of football season tonight even though I’m feeling oddly optimistic about the season as a whole and can’t wait for football Sundays. No, these two things are the type of extraordinary that makes you stop everything, so you can appreciate the epicenes.

Geeklings, I present to you Little Baby Yods in a satchel and Oscar Isaac’s beard from Dune

Seriously, this is the whole column. The Child in a sack and Oscar Isaac’s beard in the sand. Both of which are majestic for different reasons.

Let’s start with Little Baby Yods. For starters, we’ve missed this little guy. In a fandom that has become super toxic, I think we can all agree that The Child has helped mend fences. The one thing the majority of Star Wars fans can agree on. Perhaps he’s the Prince that was promised? Look at those big doe eyes. Look at that adorable face. Look at those ridiculously floppy ears almost begging to be pinched. How can you look at these pictures and not want to throw that satchel strap over your shoulder, hop on a sand cruiser, and get into adventures? How can you not want to scoop that guy up and ask him to do the magic hand thing? How could you possibly love anything else in the world more than Little Baby Yods, and I write this as a thirty-eight-year-old man who is madly in love with his wife and has quite the bromance with his cat. I’m secure with who I am and they both know what they signed up for. 

Little Baby Yods is exactly what we need right now. Get your chicken nuggies you tiny green cherub. Give me all the memes of your adorably expressive face where I have to wonder if I stopped breathing or my heart skipped a beat. The world is a better place because of The Child, and while I still have a premonition that we could get The Mandalorian season two trailer next week, I’m at peace knowing that we live in a world where LBY gets put in a satchel and carried around by a bounty hunter. That’s healing power my friends. 

And if this embodiment of hope and pure joy weren’t enough for you, we were also gifted Oscar Isaac’s Dune beard. A work of art. A beard that I aspire to grow but do not know if I am capable of growing the type of facial hair that makes the world stop. I saw my quarantine beard, it was not this salt and pepper behemoth that stands before us. This is a beard that looks both weathered and stern but also like soft, fluffy and inviting like a cloud. A beard that could only be crafted by Zeus himself and even then, he’d probably kill Oscar Isaac afterward because the beard was too perfect. A beard that probably catches tears and turns them into doves. A beard that would make you weep if you stared at it for too long and then probably comfort you. A beard so good that I have changed my fantasy football team name to “Oscar Isaac’s Beard” and know it will strike fear into the hearts of my opponents. A beard so good that if Oscar Isaac was to dramatically kick open my apartment door, stand and my living room, extend his hand, and say “come with me” I. Would. Go. Without. Thinking. Twice. And I say this as a thirty-eight-year-old man who is madly in love with his wife.

You see Geeklings, these are the things we need to be celebrating right now. These are the things to bring us together. The things that bring us endless amounts of joy. Who knew that a fifty-year-old alien creature in a bag and the magnificent facial hair of Oscar Isaac could bring us together like this. What a world… what a world. 

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