Full disclosure, it has been a long time since I played a Mortal Kombat game. I strayed away from fighter games after I turned thirteen or so, the last real one I can remember playing was Killer Instinct after I was called and disinvited from a party in junior high. That’s right, your boy was all types of cool although I would argue that doesn’t paint an accurate picture. I was right on the cusp of the cool kids but also right on the outside. It was a special kind of hell to be in honestly but that’s not the point of this column. The point is I graduated from fighters like Mortal Kombat for games with deeper stories and longer playtime, of course, this is not including the Injustice series because those games are righteous.

With that being said, boy, am I feeling toasty after this new Mortal Kombat trailer. Listen, those other Mortal Kombat movies, while highly enjoyable, are not very good. Like, at all. That doesn’t mean that I don’t watch them whenever they’re on TNT or TBS nor does it mean that sometimes I feel compelled to listen to the theme song while shouting MORTAL KOMBAT into the abyss. Fun fact, I know everyone who read that sentence heard what I was saying in your bones. I’ll even allow you to take a minute or two to go to your music streaming service of choice and dance around a bit. Go ahead, I’m cool with it. I might actually join you.

(insert unexpected, but much appreciated, musical dance break here)

When I heard about a new Mortal Kombat film, I didn’t have the highest of hopes nor did I expect to watch it until I one day stumbled upon it on TNT or TBS, honestly, they’re basically the same channel. Am I right? But with HBO Max saying no to movie theaters there are now a whole bunch of movies that I’m going to watch the night of the release that I probably wouldn’t see at all. Say what you will about the HBO Max flex but I’m certainly enjoying it. If only I could Uber Eats movie theater popcorn… wait, is that possible? Can we live in a world where movie theaters around the world open up and start making popcorn to be delivered to people at home because I would pay top dollar for that? We’re talking, at least once a week. At least. I think I just stumbled upon a million-dollar idea and a way to save the movie theater community. You’re welcome.

After a pretty aggressive poster campaign, the trailer for the new Mortal Kombat dropped today, and maaaaaaaan, it’s got all of my interest. I am fully aware that by traditional standards that this won’t be considered to be a “good movie” but sometimes that makes for the best movies. I’m getting a Blood Sport on acid-like vibe from this trailer and if you want to tell me that that’s not your vibe then I’m here to call you a liar.

I couldn’t let this day end without breaking down some of my favorite moments of this trailer so without further ado…MORTAL KOMBAT!

• Let’s kick things off with Sub Zero, hands down the MVP of this trailer and every mother of the ‘90s worst nightmare, fighting Jax. We’ve got a frozen gun with frozen bullet particles which is like some sort of reverse Matrix bullet time. We’ve got frozen arms that get exploded. More importantly, we’ve got a kickass tone set for this trailer. Within an instant, I’m ready for everything that’s about to happen. I feel it in my soul.

• “It’s a birthmark” … of a dragon in a perfect circle. A birthmark? You didn’t look at that and go, “nah, this is too perfect, it has to mean something”. Don’t get me wrong, this is a fantastic way to incorporate the Mortal Kombat logo as it hits all the right cords of cheesy yet awesome action movies. I know if it was me and I had that birthmark, I would know that I was destined to compete in some legendary blood-soaked fighting tournament. There is literally no other explanation. Well, it’s either that, or I would have thought I was part dragon. Those are literally the only two explanations.

• Hey that’s the dude Hawkeye killed in Endgame! Oh, snap, he’s got some anger issues. How did Hawkeye kill this guy?!

• Anytime you have a group of heroes, three or more, on high altitude looking at the location they’re heading toward, you’re going to get me. Now throw in an epic shot of the sun blazing atop, or setting, and you can just tell that this new Mortal Kombat movie wants you to know that this film is going to be epic in all the right ways.

• Kano… is a good guy? I’m a little rusty on my Mortal Kombat lore but I thought this guy was hunting Sonya. The trailer certainly seemed to list him as a hero. I smell a betrayal coming.

• Look at that, Jax got new arms! Take that Winter Soldier!

• Raiden. Electricity. And is that Luke Skywalker’s metal hand from The Force Awakens?!

• Dear Mileena, it is super gross that you would lick the gore off your swords. Don’t get me wrong, this is a classic bad guy move and I appreciate the visual for this trailer, but in the world of COVID maybe refrain from licking the blood of your enemies off your sais.

• Question, why does it appear that Lui Kang is dressed like Ryu from Street Fighter II? That is Liu Kang, right?

• Holy crap sticks! Is that Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa back to play Shang Tsung?!

• Goro!!!! An exclamation point for each arm.

• This movie will include a fire dragon. It has everything I’ve ever wanted.

• Back to MVP Sub Zero as HE LITERALLY STABS SOMEONE WITH THEIR OWN BLOOD! STABS. SOMEONE. WITH. THEIR. FROZEN. BLOOD. Somewhere all the writers for Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme are shaking their heads at missed opportunities.

• “Get over here.” Honestly, this was the only true moment I needed from this trailer. The rest is gravy.

• Let’s round things out with a “Finish Him” montage. Cool, cool, cool. Excuse me, I need to re-watch this trailer immediately.

What do you think Geeklings? Does this new Mortal Kombat movie make you want to challenge your friends to a fight? What was your favorite part? Are you hoping that Sub Zero doesn’t go out like a chump too? Be sure to sound off in the comments or throw me a line over on Twitter @iamgeek32. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a certain song to be playing while I check myself for possibly missed dragon-shaped birthmarks.